


Introspection

by stuckinwonderland



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Drama, F/M, Gen, Other, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-02-21
Updated: 2012-04-18
Packaged: 2017-10-31 13:32:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/344591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stuckinwonderland/pseuds/stuckinwonderland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Now on to the specs of this story: This takes place between Fear Her and Army of Ghosts. The Doctor says at the end of Fear Her: "A storm's approaching." While I know that, that line was eluding to the Army of Ghosts/Doomsday Arc, my story is a what if. What if there was a thunderstorm…and a fight over something so meaningless, but got way out of hand. I won't go into any details; you'll just have to read it for yourself. Enjoy! And give me some love!</p>
          </blockquote>





	1. Author's Notes

Author's Note

Hey all. It's your faithful writer. I am doing well.

So here's what is going on…My bestie and I are challenging ourselves to take on a prompt table…lol

Thunderstorm | Rejected | Heartbreak | Lie | Cheater

Outcast| Unrequited| Teased| Abused| Addiction

So we are taking our favorite fandoms and writing drabble fics to be published on FFN or AO3 every two weeks.

My fandom: Doctor Who

Enjoy! And give me some love!

Love,

Me

PS: I don't own Doctor Who.

First up is: Thunderstorm


	2. Thunderstorm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now on to the specs of this story: This takes place between Fear Her and Army of Ghosts. The Doctor says at the end of Fear Her: "A storm's approaching." While I know that, that line was eluding to the Army of Ghosts/Doomsday Arc, my story is a what if. What if there was a thunderstorm…and a fight over something so meaningless, but got way out of hand. I won't go into any details; you'll just have to read it for yourself. Enjoy! And give me some love!

Thunderstorm

"Rose? Rose Tyler? ROSE," exclaimed a frantic male voice. A man stood at the door of TESCOs. He didn't see the familiar dyed blond hair. "Where could she be," the man muttered worriedly. He looked out at the raging tempest and he knew that this might not end well.

~!~ four and a half hours before ~!~

Rose Tyler, woman on a mission, entered the kitchen. She needed a cup of tea with milk. She needed it like a Starbucks addict needed his/her tall non-fat mochaccino with two shots of espresso, in the morning to get going. The second thing she needed in the morning to help her get going is a bowl of cereal. This routine hasn't changed since being on the TARDIS with the Doctor.

She put the kettle on to boil and she grabbed a bowl and found a clean spoon, making a note to wash the dishes that were piling up in the sink. Then she grabbed the box of cereal. She poured cereal into the bowl. Then the kettle began to whistle. She grabbed her mug and poured the hot water over the tea bag. She then set the kettle back onto the stove. Then she walked to the refrigerator and opened it. She saw the carton of milk. She grabbed it and then closed the refrigerator door. She opened the top and proceeded to pour. Out came two drops of milk.

"What," Rose said. She looked into the carton to find it empty.

She was livid! 'Why would he put an EMPTY carton back IN the refrigerator,' she thought. Rose threw the carton away and stormed out.

~!~

The Doctor was looking at the monitor and realized he had to do some rewiring on the TARDIS. He opened up an access panel underneath the console and began to look at what needed to be fixed. It was at this point that he heard the stomping of his companion, and secret love, Rose.

"Good morning Rose," he said as he heard her begin to stomp closer, "Looks like I need to…"

"DOCTOR," Rose stated loudly, "Did you finish off the milk?"

The Doctor looked up startled at the tone of voice that Rose was using. He saw that she was angry.

"What's wrong rose," he asked. He was worried that something else had happened to her, because this tone of voice he'd only heard come from Jackie.

"What's wrong? Did you really just ask me that," Rose demanded as she put her hands on her waist and stood there in anger, like a statue glaring down at the Doctor.

"Yes," the Doctor said, without allowing his verbal filter to remind him that rose was angry.

"I.A.S.K.E.D.Y.O.U.D.I.D.Y.O.U.U.S.E.T.H.E.L.A.S.T.O.F.T.H.E.M.I.L.K.," Rose said angrily while grinding her teeth.

"Yes I did," the Doctor said. 'ABORT! ABANDON SHIP! WRONG ANSWER,' he thought. The Doctor knew, mentally, that he'd just dug his own grave with the way that his Rose was standing.

He watched Rose take a deep breath and he prepared himself for screeching.

"Why did you put the EMPTY carton BACK into the refrigerator," she demanded.

The Doctor replied without thinking, "I don't know. Why didn't you get some more while we were at the store?"

'Wrong thing to say. So long cruel world,' the Doctor thought as Rose yanked him up by the lapels of his coat from underneath the console. She pulled his face close to hers.

Rose whispered, "Really Doctor? Who is the one who writes the grocery list for me because HE says I sleep too much? Who is the one who has more time on his hands to check and see if there is something else we may need?"

"Me," the Doctor said. Rose then pushed him away. He watched as she turned around, and said, "So don't you DARE blame me! When I come back in her we'd better be in London."

"Rose is it your time of the month," the Doctor asked. He was stunned at just how fast his Rose turned around, glared and slapped him.

He held his throbbing cheek in pain as he watched her walk away. "Well if it isn't her time yet it will be soon," the Doctor muttered as he began to pilot the TARDIS to London.

~!~ 5 minutes later ~!~

The Doctor watched as Rose stormed out of the TARDIS. She said, "Don't you DARE come after me!" The Doctor sighed and watched to door slam shut. Then he began to work under the console.

~!~

Outside of the TARDIS, Rose hailed a cab. "Where to ma'am," the cabbie asked. "To TESCOs, that is NOT close," she replied. "Are you sure ma'am," the cabbie asked. Rose just nodded. She sat in the back of the cab and fumed. She was scrolling thought her contacts and got to Sarah Jane's entry.

~!~Flashback~!~

"Find me, if you need to one day. Find me," Sarah Jane said.

~!~

Rose got out of the cab almost twenty five minutes after she got in. She went into TESCOs. She called Sarah Jane.

"Hello," Sarah Jane said.

"Sarah Jane, it's Rose," she replied.

"Oh hello dear. How are you," Sarah Jane asked Rose.

"The Doctor and I got into an argument. Well it was more me yelling," Rose replied.

"What did he do," Sarah Jane asked.

"Drank the last of the milk and put the empty carton back into the refrigerator. Then when I confronted him he blamed me because I didn't buy any milk. Well I opened his eyes to his mistake. He's got all the time in the world to recheck things and add to the list. Then he had the balls to ask me if it was my time of the month," Rose replied. She was going up and down the aisles looking for things.

"Well Rose you have to remember that the Doctor is an alien. Tell me, you've seen two versions of the Doctor, has there been personality changes," Sarah Jane asked.

"What do you mean? They are the same person," Rose replied.

"Well think about your first Doctor and his personality. Then compare it to the Doctor now," Sarah Jane said.

Rose stayed quiet for a minute and then replied, "Yes."

"I agree. He's gone through a huge change personality wise. You see Rose, the Doctor has had many human companions and it has only been recently that he's really cared for the feelings of that companion," Sarah Jane said.

"But Sarah Jane, he doesn't," Rose started.

"But he does. You see if you had said and done anything remotely like that to MY Doctor you'd have been off of the TARDIS quicker than it would take you to say 'Doctor'. The Doctor allowed you to be angry and didn't really retaliate with anger. Now finish your shopping and mend this rift. Because it'll only hurt you more," Sarah Jane said.

"All right," Rose said. She did feel upset at just how upset she got with him.

Rose then said, "Thank you Sarah Jane. You are a good friend,"

"No problem Rose. I am glad to help. I am always here for you," Sarah Jane replied.

"Well I will be sure to call you again," Rose said.

"All right sweetheart. Have a better day," Sarah Jane said.

"Bye," Rose replied.

Then she hung up. She decided that she'd get some things for her Doctor: Bananas, Banana muffin mix, and some banana flavored candies. By the time she checked out, there was a raging storm rolling through. But Rose knew that she needed to get back to the TARDIS so she could apologize. So she left the safety of the store and went in search of her Doctor. Not even realizing she'd dropped her phone.

~!~ three and a half hours after Rose left the TARDIS~!~

The Doctor sat up from rewiring the console to the loud crack of lightning and thunder. 'Where is Rose. All she needed to get was milk,' the Doctor thought. He got up and went to his bathroom to clean up. Then he went in search of his wayward companion.

He checked in the kitchen and she wasn't there. Then he knocked on her bedroom door and then opened it to find the room empty. Then he walked to the library and found the pool empty. Now he was worried.

He could hear the storm outside and he was concerned. He picked up his pace and went to the console room. He picked up the phone and dialed Rose's number. "This is Rose Tyler. I'm not here right now. Leave a message after the beep," the voicemail message said. The Doctor hung up and he decided to go and look for her.

~!~forty minutes after she left the store~!~

Rose was soaking wet and thoroughly lost. 'Why did I tell the cabbie to go far away,' Rose asked herself. Another flash of light and crack of thunder sounded. Rose was currently standing under an awning of a shop searching through her bag for her mobile. She knew she could call the Doctor and hive him pick her up if she could find her mobile.

As another clap of thunder sounded, she realized she'd lost her mobile. She sighed in frustration. She closed her eyes trying to calm herself and reopened her eyes. Then she looked up at the black sky and thought, 'I'm sorry Doctor. Be safe.'

~!~thirty minutes after the Doctor left the TARDIS~!~

'Well this is the Last TESCOs I'm going to,' he thought. The Doctor walked up to the customer service desk and asked, "Excuse me. Has anyone lost a mobile phone here? My girlfriend lost hers."

The store clerk smiled and brought out the phone.

'Rose! Okay play it cool,' the Doctor thought.

"Is this her phone sir," the clerk asked.

"Well it looks like it. May I look at it," the Doctor asked.

The clerk handed the phone to him and he turned it on and saw his missed call.

"Yep this is hers. Thank you," the Doctor said. Then he walked out the front door.

"Rose? Rose Tyler? ROSE," exclaimed the Doctor. He stood at the door of TESCOs. He didn't see the familiar dyed blond hair.

"Where could she be," the Doctor muttered worriedly. He looked out at the raging tempest and he knew that this might not end well.

~!~Rose still lost~!~

Rose stood in the shade of another awning of another shop as the wind whipped her soaked hair around her face. She hoped that the Doctor was safe. She wasn't so sure about herself. She risked a glance behind her and she saw movement in the rain. She was being tailed. She briefly wondered if she was being followed by someone who wanted her groceries or by someone who wanted to do her harm. All she did know was that she was going to wear this guy down. She wasn't sure but she was going to keep this guy guessing. So that being decided she continued to walk.

~!~Stranger~!~

I could see her. I didn't know why she was by herself but I knew it was her. She looked just like I remembered her. Blonde hair and big brown eyes. Why she was carrying groceries and looked to be lost I will never know. I wanted to go up to her and talk to her but I was afraid that it was too soon for her. I didn't see him anywhere. I didn't see the tall man in leather with his big ears and his northern accent. I noticed the time on my watch and I decided it was time to check-in.

~!~Doctor~!~

The Doctor was soaked to the bone and was headed in the general direction of the TARDIS.

'I hope she's back there. I really just want her safe,' the Doctor thought.

He looked around. His gravity defying hair flat against his hair dripped in his eyes. He still didn't see any…

'Hold on. What's that,' the Doctor wondered.

He walked to a shop front. The noise from the storm was roaring in his ears as he stooped down to look at what seemed to be a rock.

'Rose's bezoolium,' the Doctor thought.

He knew Rose wouldn't just leave that there, so it must have fallen out of her jacket pocket. He was hot on her trail.

~!~ten minutes later~!~

Rose had stopped again. She'd made sure that she had lost her tail. Once she saw that she wasn't being followed anymore she sat down on a bench. She was cold and wet and utterly exhausted. She still didn't know where she was and she was exhausted.

'I wonder, if I stayed her long enough, if the Doctor would find me,' Rose thought.

But she didn't get the chance to wonder too long.

She heard, "ROSE!"

She lifted her head and saw the most wonderful face in her life. It was the Doctor! Rose sat on a bench grinning in relief and happiness. She watched as he came up to her.

"There you are," the Doctor said.

"Here I am. Hello," Rose replied.

She stood up, despite how tired she felt, and she hugged her Doctor.

"Hello. Oh Rose, I am so sorry," the Doctor said into her ear.

"I'm sorry too. Can we go home," Rose asked.

The Doctor nodded and took a hold of Rose's hand and led her back to the warmth and protection of the TARDIS.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! Review!


	3. Rejected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All alone in his TARDIS. The Doctor needs to find some closure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the second story of my prompt table challenge. I think this one is really good. I hope to have captured the mood of the Doctor rather well. Okay so here are some specs:
> 
> Timeline: After "The Runaway Bride"
> 
> Having just lost Rose how does the Doctor Feel about Donna's rejection? Is he still mourning Rose's loss? Does he feel guilty?
> 
> One last thing I still don't own anything that deals with Doctor Who. Don't sue me!

Rejected

The TARDIS had never felt so expansive before. Sitting on the captain's chair, I could almost hear my beloved Rose's laugh. The beautiful pink and yellow human who snuck her way into my hearts. The one human I'd be indebted to for the rest of my life. But I knew that she's the only human that Id' ever fallen in love with.

I closed my eyes and remembered her. I remembered how she'd laugh and the sound of it would make my hearts skip beats. I remembered how her eyes, dark chocolate brown, would sparkle when she'd see a new world. I loved just how sparkly her eyes would be, that I would think that the stars she'd look up to would be ashamed that their sparkling wasn't have as brilliant as her eyes. I remembered her hair, and though I knew she dyed it, she would still care for it and make it look softer than the softest cashmere. I remembered just how wonderful my rose smelled. She made the sweetest flowers smell bad. I could almost see her in my mind's eye. She was standing next to the console smiling at me. Her hand outstretched and waiting for me to take it in mine.

I opened my eyes sadly, because I knew that I would never get the chance to hold her hand ever again. I hated myself for not being able to move on. I loathed my entire being for not pushing her to go back to the TARDIS or stay with her mother. But I also felt guilty, about being happy that she came back for me. I felt so selfish that I wanted her with me. I felt so horrible, for even thinking about bursting through the wall just to get to my Rose.

I knew deep down that I had to move on. I knew that this universe needed me, that people like Donna Noble depended on me to make sure time didn't go completely wibbly. It was people like Donna that needed me at the top of my game. Donna Noble.

Brash Donna Noble. Brave Donna Noble. Brilliant Donna Noble. Broken Donna Noble. I almost hated that she was here just after Rose said goodbye to me. I hated just how her slap was almost like Jackie's slap. But, Donna was able to awaken me. She helped me to focus on someone and something. She forced me to take a good look at myself and exactly what I was doing. This temp from Chiswick, with ginger hair, that made me briefly feel jealousy, and a temper to accompany her hair, drew me out like a poison. She stopped me from doing what, deep down, I wanted to do. Because if I'm honest with myself I didn't want to go on without my Rose, the one person who could read me like a book. But then I remembered the shock and fear on her face when I made it snow. As well as the fear when I drowned the baby Racnoss.

I sat thinking about that moment when I asked her to come along. I remembered how she refused. I didn't understand why she wouldn't come. I remember feeling rejected, like I wasn't important enough to go with. Then when she told me that I was basically an unfeeling monster while I stood there as the Racnoss were dying made me feel terrible, but I didn't know how to fix her perception of me. I wasn't sure how I had changed so much as to be off putting to humans.

I remember accepting her excuse of going traveling and walking in the dust. And if I'm honest with myself, I didn't really want her to come along. Yes she allowed me to focus on the right now, but when she declined I did feel some relief. I knew that I really didn't want to ruin another life like I did to Rose. But when she told me that I needed someone, someone to stop me, I wanted to fervently disagree with her, but mentally knew that my someone, my plus one, was very far away. I knew that Donna was right, but I just couldn't accept Rose was gone. But I didn't disagree with her.

Looking back at all that has happened since Rose got stuck, I've realized I do need someone. But I don't want to have someone think that they can just up and replace my one true love. I couldn't allow someone to become what rose was. I had to keep them at arm's length for their sakes. But Donna was right. I did need someone. Someone, who would be my conscience, someone who would help me to be the person I wanted and needed to be.

I didn't want to be stuck in an endlessly bleak mood. I wanted to feel alive. I wanted to be able to see the beauty of the universe again. I knew that I couldn't remain drifting as I was. I knew that I needed on last day of grieving for my precious Rose. But then I needed to get back to my life of traveling. The universe needed me, and as much as I hated it, the Humans needed me.

As I stood up I knew that I needed closure. I needed to come face to face with the truth I was trying so hard to dismiss. I began to set coordinates for London. I knew that a memorial had been erected for all who died because of Canary Wharf. I knew my Rose's name would be honored for her bravery. So that's where I was headed.

When the TARDIS landed, I opened the front doors and saw that it was raining. I walked out and I saw the memorial. I began to look at the names. I found Yvonne Hartman's name, and I saw Jackie Tyler's name. Then I finally found her name.

The moment I found her name I felt my hearts break. I stood there staring at her name and feeling like the loneliest person in the universe. Then I reached out and touched the cold marble stone. I traced her name with my finger slowly.

R

O

S

E

M.

T

Y

L

E

R

I did it once more. I could feel just how the rock was cut for her name. I felt like I could feel her with me. This was the truth I'd been desperately trying to make wrong. I felt the rain falling down my cheeks and I didn't know when exactly it happened, that I'd started crying. I cried for her. I cried for me. I cried because I just couldn't keep the emotions tucked away any longer. I didn't want her to be gone and I cried because she was. I sighed then I said, "Rose Tyler…" I paused and traced her name again. I closed my eyes and pictured her face. I wanted to picture her face when she told me 'forever' but all I could seem to conjure up mentally was her face from Bad Wolf Bay. "I have never met another human like you. You were fantastic, brilliant, clever, and so full of love. I am so sorry our forever was cut short. Rose Tyler, I love you. I will always love you. Until my dying day. Goodbye," I said.

With one last caress of her name I turned around and walked away feeling completely rejected.


	4. Heartbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey all it’s your fellow fanfiction writer. How are ya’ll? So, here’s the third installment of my Prompt table drabble ficlet.
> 
> Heartbreak (noun) – great sorrow, grief, or anguish
> 
> So this ficlet, if you haven’t figured it, out deals with heart break. Now I could have gone the cliché route and done the Doctor and Rose after Doomsday or Martha when she figures out that the Doctor only has eyes for Rose. But I didn’t do either of those. There is one other person that was subject to seeing some rather terrible things while she was traveling with the Doctor.
> 
> This ficlet focuses on the dynamo that is Donna Noble. 
> 
> Specs of the fic:   
> Takes place after “The Doctor’s Daughter” but before “Silence in the Library”   
> Also this is in Donna’s POV
> 
> One final thing: Italics, when I’m not using them to signify my notes on the story, denotes flashback.
> 
> I hope that you enjoy this story!
> 
> P.S.: I still don’t own anything dealing with the Doctor Who Franchise.

Heartbreak

“Why must there be sadness,” I asked with tears in my eyes. I haven’t felt this sad since my dad died. I wondered just how I got here to this point…

~!~

_“God she’s thick. Months I had to put up with her. Months! A woman who can’t even point to Germany on a map. Every day I made you coffee.”_

~!~

I thought back to Lance. I remembered just how aweful he was to me…

~!~

_“Well luv, I couldn’t risk you running off. I had to say yes and then I was stuck with a woman who thought the height of excitement is a new flavored Pringle. Oh I had to sit there and listen to all that yap, yap, yap. Oh Brad and Angelina, Is Posh pregnant, X Factor, Atkins Diet. Feng Shui, split ends, text me, text me, text me. Dear God the never ending fountain of fat stupid trivia. I deserve a medal.”_

~!~

I hated how Lance made me feel insignificant. But I also hated that he made me believe that I could have a happy ending. Because of Lance I had my second major broken heart. But it wouldn’t be my last. Since joining the Doctor on his travels I have had a constant heart ache.

~!~

_“See, the energy converter takes the lava, uses the power to create a fusion matrix, which wields Pyrovile to human. Now it’s complete, they can convert millions,” the Doctor said._

~!~

My second broken heart came when I saw the Doctor lose faith in himself and question himself. He was so broken.

~!~

_“I can avert the system, so the volcano will blow them up, yes, but…that’s the choice Donna. It’s Pompeii or the world,” the Doctor said brokenly,” If Pompeii is destroyed, then it’s not just history, it’s me. I make it happen.”_

~!~

I felt like my brother was discovering just how unfair the universe is. I hated just how upset he was that he had to make that decision.

~!~

_“Push this lever and it’s all over. 20,000 people,” the Doctor said._

~!~

I knew he wouldn’t do the right thing if I didn’t help him. When I saw the relief in his eyes, it broke my heart just a little more. I didn’t like seeing just how relieved he was that he didn’t have to be the only one to condemn the people of Pompeii. But I also knew that he’d stubbornly try to be the only one to get out alive. My heart broke for him when he talked about his own planet that had burned.

~!~

_“That’s just it. Don’t you see Donna? Can’t you understand? If I could go back and save them I would, but I can’t. I can never go back! I can’t! I can’t! I just…can’t. I can’t,” he said._

~!~

I kept pushing him to save someone. I knew he’d blame himself for all that happened. I would have pushed him out the door but I knew that he had to save someone himself. 

~!~

_“Come with me,” he said._

~!~

But my heart also broke when I found out the future humans kept slaves. I mean who owns slaves now-a-days. I remembered the moment clearly when my heart broke. 

~!~

_“Can you hear it? I didn’t need the map. I should have just listened,” the Doctor said, “listen. Listen, listen, listen, listen. Oh, my head.” “What is it,” I asked seeing the pained expression on his face. “Can’t you hear it? The singing,” he asked. Then we found the caged ood. “They look different than the others,” I said as we watched the ood huddle together. “That’s because they are natural born ood. Unprocessed, before they’re adapted to slavery. Unspoiled. That’s their song,” the Doctor replied. “I can’t hear it,” I said. Do you want to,” he asked me. “Yeah,” I replied. “It’s the song of captivity,” he said. I knew that he wanted to subtly change my mind, but I wouldn’t be swayed. “Let me hear it,” I replied. “Face me,” the Doctor said as he touched my face, “Open your mind, that’s it. Hear it Donna! Hear the music!”_

~!~

As soon as I heard the music, my heart broke. I remember feeling the utter devastation and fear that was being conveyed by the ood’s song. I felt so overwhelmed by the ood and their song. Then I remembered what came next…

~!~

_“So the company cuts off their brains,” I said. “And they stitch on the translator,” the Doctor replied. “ Like a lobotomy. I spent all that time looking for you, Doctor, because I thought it’d be so wonderful out here. I wanna go home,” I said sadly. Then I looked at the doctor and saw just how upset he was._

~!~

I thought about these moments and I felt like my heart was breaking once again. I didn’t like feeling this way. But these feelings weren’t half as bad as my feeling alone and in danger. I remembered that moment like it was yesterday.

~!~

_“Oh my God,” I said as I watched the Doctor on the screen. “Big mistake though. Showing it to me,” the Doctor said. “But who do I phone,” I asked. “Cos I’ve got the remote control,” the Doctor continued. “Doctor, what number are you on? You haven’t even got a number. What do I do,” I asked._

~!~

That was only the beginning though because I remembered calling my mum and gramps. Remembering just how upset they were trying not to be.

~!~

_“Mum? You all right,” I asked. I hated not being there for them. I knew that they were probably out of their minds with worry. “Donna! Where are you sweetheart,” my mum asked me. I could hear my gramps in the background, “Is that her?” “Oh just finish the job,” y mum said, “Your grandad’s sealing us in. He’s sealing the windows. Our own house, and we’re sealed in! All those things they said about pollution, ozone, and carbon, they’re really happening aren’t they.” I could hear the panic in her voice. My heart began to break because I couldn’t be there to help her. “There’s people working on it mum. They’re gonna fix it. I promise,” I tried to put as much confidence as I could in that response. “Oh, like you’d know, you’re so clever,” mum replied. I knew she’d get catty. “Oh, don’t start. Please don’t,” I said. “I’m sorry. I wish you were here,” she said sadly. I could hear my gramps., “Now, come on Sylvia, That doesn’t help. Donna? Where are you?” I knew he had the phone. “It’s sort of hard to say. You all right,” I asked. “Yeah, fighting fit, yeah. Is he with you, the Doctor,” he asked. I knew this was the moment my heart would shatter. Then I heard my mum say, “Oh the Doctor!” “No, I’m on my own,” I said. I could feel the tears beginning to well up in my eyes. “Look. You promised he was gonna look after you,” my gramps said. I could hear the worry in his voice and I knew I had to lie to him. “He will, gramps. There’s…something he needs me to do. I just don’t know what,” I said. “Well, I mean, the whole place is covered, the whole of London, they’re saying and the whole world. It’s the scale of it, Donna. I mean, how can one man stop all that,” he asked not even knowing that his question began to shake my faith in the Doctor. But I knew I couldn’t let my gramps fear. “Trust me. He can do it,” I said confidently. I could hear the unsaid goodbye as he said, “Yea, well if he doesn’t, you tell him he’ll have to answer to me.” My heart, whatever was left of it, crumbled into tiny pieces as I replied, “I will just as soon as I see him I’ll tell him.”_

~!~

We got out of that mess virtually unscathed. But then we immediately got into more trouble. I didn’t have any down time to cope with had happened. The Doctor, Martha and I were taken to this planet where the Doctor’s DNA was extrapolated and progenated into a girl, his daughter. 

~!~

_She had long blonde hair in a ponytail. She seemed to be about twenty-three in age and she was wearing cargo pants, combat boots and an olive drab tee-shirt. Then she looked at the doctor and said, “Hello Dad.”_

~!~

I remember just how opposed the Doctor was to claiming Jenny.

~!~

_“Oh I know that look. See it a lot round our way. Blokes with pushchairs and frowns. You’ve got dad-shock,” I said smugly. “Dad-shock,” the Doctor said as he looked at me questioningly. “Sudden, unexpected fatherhood. Take a bit of getting used to,” I explained. I watched the Doctor look at Jenny as she looked around. He had this deep sorrow in his eyes. “Donna, I’ve been a father before,” he said to me. I was stunned, not because I didn’t think he’d make a good father. I was stunned because he never said anything. “What,” I asked. “I lost all that a long time ago. Along with everything else.” My already sensitive heart was crushed for him. ‘How can he go on,’ I thought. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me? You talk all the time, but you don’t say anything,” I said sadly. “I know. I’m just…When I look at her now I can see them. The hole they left, all the pain that filled it. I just don’t know if I can face that every day,” he replied. I could feel my heart clench in pain at just how he wasn’t even going to try. “It won’t stay like that. She’ll help you. We both will,” I said. “But when they died that part of me died with them. It’ll never come back. Not now,” he replied dejectedly. I looked at the utter loss in his eyes and I wanted to hug him but I knew that I would only validate his feelings. “I’ll tell you something Doctor, something I’ve never told you before. I think you’re wrong,” I stated._

~!~

I remember the look on his face when I said that to him. He looked like he was shocked someone didn’t find him clever. But just when I thought the Doctor could have his happy ending…

~!~

_“I’m the Doctor, and I declare this war is over,” the Doctor exclaimed as he threw down the terraforming device. “What’s happening,” Jenny asked. I watched the colorful smoke head to the ceiling. “The gasses will escape and trigger the terraforming process,” The Doctor replied. “What does that me,” Jenny asked. The doctor looked at Jenny and said, “It means a new world.” I watched the two of them laughing together. But the happiness was shattered by the shot of a gun. I watched Jenny yell, “NO!” and then took the bullet that had been meant for the Doctor. “Jenny? Jenny! Talk to me Jenny,” the Doctor pleaded as he held her in his arms. I could feel my already broken hart crumbling even more and I asked, “Is she gonna be all right?” Martha, who had checked Jenny, looked at me and shook her head ’no.’ I watched jenny as she said, “A new world. It’s beautiful.” “Jenny? Be strong now. You need to hold on D’you hear me? We’ve got things to do, you and me. Hey? Hey? We can go anywhere. Everywhere. You choose,” the Doctor pleaded. That sounds good,” Jenny said softly. I saw the tears in the Doctor’s eyes and I knew it was almost over for Jenny. “You’re my daughter and we’ve only just got started. You’re gonna be great. You’re gonna be more than great. You’re gonna be amazing. You hear me? Jenny,” the Doctor cried. I watched as he kissed her forehead._

~!~

As I lay in my bed I just cried. I had reached a point where the pure emotions had just gotten to me. Normally if I’d reach this point I’d toy to sleep it away with the help of alcohol. I didn’t have access to my normal remedy so I stayed awake. I wasn’t sure how the doctor could cope with all of the heartbreak he endures. I lay in my bed and just remembered Jenny. One thing I was completely sure about was that the universe was a cold and cruel place.

~!~2 hours later~!~

I still lay in my bed. I could hear the doctor up and about. “Donna! Rise and shine Donna,” the Doctor called. I didn’t want to move. I just wanted to try and cope with everything that happened. I just needed some down time. But it wasn’t to be, because as soon as I had that thought there was a knock at my door. “Donna,” the Doctor called. I ignored him, hoping that he would go and tinker with something. “Donna, I’m coming in,” I could hear the worry in his voice. I hear the door open and then close. “Donna,” the Doctor asked, “Are you all right?” I finally looked at him. “No spaceman, I’m not all right.” “Are you sick,” he asked. I rolled my eyes at him. “What’s wrong Donna,” he asked as he sat in my reading chair that was next to my bed. “I don’t know how you cope,” I said. He looked at me puzzled. “What do you mean,” he asked. “How do you cope with the heartbreak? How do you cope with all of the sadness the universe dishes out? Because, honestly I’m having problems coping,” I said. I could feel the tears welling in my eyes. The Doctor took my hand in his. Then he said, “It’s rather difficult for me as well. We have had some rough trips. But I just think that we are doing good things. I know that makes me feel a little better.” I replied, “So what good came out of Jenny’s death, because I can’t honestly see it.” “Jenny,” he started. I could hear the hitch in his voice. “Jenny, even though she died, helped to influence a new generation on Messaline,” he said. “Doctor, I am so sorry for everything that happened,” I said. “Oh Donna. You don’t have anything to worry about,” he replied. I held his hand and said, “But really Doctor, I’m sorry.” He looked at me and squeezed my hand in reply. We stayed like that for a few minutes then the Doctor stood up and said, “I’ll give you ten minutes and then we will be at my very favorite planet. With shops, beaches, and restaurants galore. We are going to do some relaxing you and I.” I wanted to tell him that I didn’t feel up to it, but I knew him well enough to know he needed a distraction. I just nodded and he bounced away like an excited child going to Disney World. I got up and steeled myself to face the unknown.


	5. Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's another installment of the introspection fic. So this one deals with Martha Jones. In Poison Sky/Sontaran Stratagem Martha is engaged to Tom Milligan, the same tom that she met in Last of the Timelords. Then in End of Time she is married to Mickey Smith. This deals with how her engagement ends and why.
> 
> Questions, Comments, Concerns, Pious Indignation, Vehement Disapproval; direct them to the review box!
> 
> Enjoy

Martha Jones sits alone in her apartment reading the newspaper while drinking her coffee. She was thinking about her fiancé who was off in Africa.

~!~

Tish Jones was walking from the bus stop to her job as a personal assistant to one of the top London lawyers. She was stopping to pick up a cup of coffee when she saw him, Tom Milligan, sitting in a café talking and holding hands with a bombshell of a blonde woman. Tish watching him for as long as she could, because she knew that he was supposed to be in Africa working with Aids babies. When the light allowed her to cross the street she did. Then she called Martha.

"Hey this is Martha Jones. Sorry I couldn't answer my phone. Leave your name and number and I'll get back to you as soon as I can," the voicemail message said. "Martha, its Tish. I was just wondering when Tom got back in the country. Okay I'll talk to you soon," Tish said then hung up the phone.

~!~

Martha was helping out with UNIT when she got the call from her sister, but she was too busy to deal with her sister. She was conducting physicals on the new Cadets. She would call her sister when she back in her apartment.

~!~ Later ~!~

"Hey Tish," Martha said as her sister answered her mobile phone. "Martha," Tish replied, "How are you?" "I'm tired, but fine Tish. I had a full day of giving physicals to the new cadets," Martha replied, "and how was your day?" "Busy playing gopher for the lawyer. Martha, when do you think my skills in public relations will be noticed," Tish asked. "I don't know Tish. Just stick with it," Martha replied. "So, Martha, when is Tom supposed to come home from Africa," Tish asked. "In a month and a half. Why," Martha replied. "Are you sure he's actually there in Africa," Tish asked again. Martha thought about her answer and then said, "No. But I can't normally get a hold of him when he's in Africa." "Then call him," Tish replied urgently. "Why," Martha asked. "Because I thought I saw him sitting in a café on my way to work today," Tish replied reluctantly. Martha was shocked enough to plop down onto her couch. "Martha? Martha are you there," Tish asked. "Yes," Martha replied quietly. "Are you okay," Tish asked. "Yes," Martha replied again. Martha sat on her couch stunned and she didn't know how to react. "Come on Martha answer me," Tish said. Martha had missed the question. "What," Martha asked. "That's it! I'm coming over," Tish said. Martha heard the click on the other end and then hung up her phone and just sat stunned.

~!~ 15 minutes later ~!~

Martha heard the door open to her flat. "Martha," she heard Tish call. Martha didn't even look up or call back. But she did feel the comforting arms wrap around her shoulders. "Oh Martha," she heard Tish say. Martha could feel the comfort coming from her sister. She just closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around Tish. "I'm here Martha. I'm here," Tish said as she held her little sister.

After a few minutes the sisters finally looked at one another. Then Tish asked the big question, "What are you going to do?" Martha sighed, then responded, "Well I'm not going to do anything yet. I have to have more evidence. I need to see it with my own eyes to be completely sure." Tish didn't like the answer but she knew that was all she was going to have to enlist the help of Leo and possibly Jack. "Do you want some tea," Martha asked. Tish looked at her sister and nodded her response. Martha got up and went into her kitchen to put the kettle on.

Tish picked up her sister's phone and she scrolled through the contacts and found 'TORCHWOOD'. She didn't see Jack's name so she put the torchwood number in her phone. She then put the phone back onto the coffee table and waited for Martha. She heard the kettle whistling. "Tish do you want cream or sugar," Martha called. "Just cream please," Tish replied. Tish could hear Martha coming from the kitchen. Martha handed Tish her cup of tea and then sat down.

They sat in silence sipping tea and then Martha asked, "Tell me everything, please?" "Are you sure," Tish asked. She didn't want to be the one to crush her sister anymore than she had to. Martha replied, "Tell Me." Tish sighed, then said, "Well I was waiting to cross the street and I saw him. He had that hoodie mum got him for Christmas last year, on. He was wearing his nerdy specs as well. I could also see his keys and there was the Eiffel tower keychain that you got for him while you were in Paris. He was, and I'm sorry, he was talking to a blonde woman." Tish saw Martha wince with each word she had said. "What did she look like," Martha asked. "Well, she had blond hair from a bottle and wore this rather indecent shirt and skirt. But I'd never seen her before," Tish replied. With each and every word her sister was saying Martha's heart broke just a little more. "Are you all right Martha," Tish asked. "Not really. Just sort of numb," Martha replied. "Will you be all right on your own," Tish asked worrying about her sister's state of mind. "I'm always all right," Martha responded with a somewhat tired tone to her voice. Tish finished her tea then got up and said to Martha, "Please call me in the morning!" Martha nodded and then closed the door behind her sister.

~!~ 20 minutes later ~!~

Tish stood in side her flat and she dialed the 'TORCHWOOD' number. She heard a click and then she heard, "Captain Jack Harkness." "Jack? Is this the same Jack that was with my sister Martha Jones," Tish asked. "Is this Tish," he asked. Tish smiled, "Yes." "What's wrong Tish? Is Martha all right? Has something gone wrong with UNIT," Jack asked in rapid succession. "Martha is okay, but I need your help," Tish said. "Are you all right Tish," Jack asked as both concern and suspicion colored his tone of voice. "Not really. Martha is engaged to a Doctor Tom Milligan. He, aledgedly, works with Doctors without borders. He is supposed to be in Africa but I saw him sitting quite comfortably with a blonde bombshell," Tish said. "What," Jack asked. "Yeah," Tish responded. "Does Martha know," Jack asked. "I told her, but she won't do anything about it until she has more evidence and she sees him with her own eyes. Jack, I don't want Martha to get even more heartbroken," Tish said.

~!~

Jack sat and thought about what Tish said. He looked around the Hub and saw just how bored his team was. He wasn't sure what they would think of him taking on such a dynamic roll as being the peacekeeper between a squabbling couple. But then again he didn't want to see Martha hurt.

~!~

"What do you want me to do, Tish," Jack asked. "I don't know, but I don't want my sister to have an even more broken heart," Tish replied. "Okay I'll work on it so I'll give you a call in a week or two," Jack said. Trish felt relief in what she'd asked of Jack, a man she had only knew when she'd been forced to feed him while they were trapped don the Valiant. "Thank you Jack," Tish said. "No problem Tish," Jack replied. After Tish hung up with Jack she called Leo. She hoped that between the two of them and with help from Jack they could get the evidence that Martha needed.

~!~ Two weeks later ~!~

Martha was cleaning up her office after a UNIT grunt decided to get angry with her for the assessment of his health. So she was picking up the papers that had been strewn about. Once those were all picked up Martha had to pick up her broken picture frames. She was all alone trying to be care of the glass when she heard, "What's a beautiful girl like you doing on the floor?" Martha was startled and cut her hand on the class and she grabbed a bit of gauze and looked up ready to scold whoever it was to knock next time, when she saw Jack in his traditional WWII era coat. Martha's eyes lit up. She stood up and asked, "What are you doing here in London, Jack?" "I was in the neighborhood and I thought I'd offer to buy you lunch," He replied, "But I think you should let me see to that injury." Martha laughed and asked, "Are you a doctor Jack?" Jack went to Martha's side as he took her injured hand in his and said, "No, but I can look at it and possibly get the glass out of it." "Fine," Martha said. Jack then helped her to clean her hand, and then bandage it up. Once that was finished he finally looked around Martha's office and then asked, "What happened here? Looks like you had a captive alien in here." Martha looked around and then sighed in frustration. "Let's just go to lunch," Martha said. She grabbed her purse and took Jack's offered arm and then left UNIT headquarters.

~!~ Café ~!~

"…And then I looked around and saw that we ALL were naked," Jack exclaimed. "No way," Martha said as she laughed hard. "Way. The King was so angry and was about to kill everyone in the room until I told him it was all the rage in London," Jack said. Martha laughed so hard she could hardly catch her breath and then said, "No that wasn't you! That is so the story of the Emperor's New Clothes!" "Yes it was me. And let me tell you he was no emperor. He was just a king," Jack replied proudly and then joined Martha in her laughter. Then both focused on their lunches. After a few minutes Martha stopped eating.

A man had walked into the café. She couldn't believe who she was seeing. Martha's mind was trying to convince her that the man she saw wasn't her Tom, because he was in India and had been sent there right from Africa a week ago, but her heart knew that it was him. "Are you all right Martha," Jack asked. Martha ignored him as she watched Tom meet with a rather Barbie-like woman. "Oh, who is that find specimen of a man," Jack asked. This time Martha looked at Jack to see just where he was looking and she noticed he was looking right at Tom. Martha looked down at her plate and felt heartbroken. "That's my fiancé," Martha said. "Then who is the blonde with him," Jack asked. Martha just shrugged her shoulders. Martha wouldn't even look up when Jack touched her hand. "Did you want me to arrest him," Jack asked. Martha snorted and then said, "You aren't a part of the police, Jack. I think a lying man is just out of your jurisdiction." "Well then let me bruise his face at least," Jack replied. "No Jack. That would be wrong. Warranted, but wrong. But I am going to find out just who the woman is," Martha said as she stood up. "Do you want me to come with you," Jack asked. Martha declined and said, "Just wait for me here."

She stood and walked over to Tom and his mystery blond. She heard, "So Tom when are you going to visit again?" "Tom," Martha asked as she stopped at the table to see her Tom look up at her. "MARTHA? What are you doing here sweetheart," Tom asked. "I should be asking you that, because you should be somewhere in India working with children," Martha demanded. "It's not what it looks like," Tom said as Martha rolled her eyes. "Who is this tom," Martha asked as she pointed at the blonde. "My name is Ashley. Who the hell are you," the blonde replied angrily. "I am Martha Jones, his fiancé," Martha replied. "Ashley is my travel agent. She was helping me to determine where my next trip will be," Tom said nervously. "Right. That's why her lipstick of Pepto-Bismol pink is on your lips. Must be a hell of a trip," Martha said disgustedly.

Then she turned and began to walk back to Jack's table. She was too upset to even speak. "Martha wait," Tom called after her. Jack stood up and paid for lunch then took a hold of Martha's shoulders and practically led her out the door. "Martha please stop," Tom pleaded. Both Jack and Martha stopped and turned to glare at Tom.

"WHAT," Martha growled. She watched as he fidgeted from her glare. Then Tom realized who was standing with Martha. "Well, what about him," Tom asked defensively. "Hello, I'm Captain Jack Harkness and the only reason you are just now meeting me is because Martha didn't tell me. Oh and I already have a boyfriend you pig," Jack replied in a low menacing tone. Tom stood stunned and Martha asked, "How long? Just how long have you been lying to me? No, better yet, how long have you been unhappy with me?"Martha was holding her emotions in as she demanded, "Tell me Tom! How long have you been with other women when I was here just waiting for you to come home safely?" Tom began to stammer but Martha interrupted, "I'll see you later. I can't even look at you right now without feeling like I'm going to vomit." Then turning to Jack she asked tiredly, "Will you take me back to work?" Jack nodded and escorted her to the black SUV. Tom just stood there alone.

~!~ In the SUV ~!~

Jack kept glancing at Martha as he drove her back to UNIT headquarters. He was worried about her and how she was taking the news of tom lying to her and cheating on her. "I'm sorry you had to be there Jack," Martha finally said. "Well I'm glad I was there. Why didn't you have me check into him first," Jack asked. "I'm a big girl, Jack. I should be able to find a man on my own," Martha replied. Jack just remained quiet.

After a few minutes of quite Martha said, "I should have listened to Tish and Leo." "What do you mean," Jack asked acting as if he wasn't already clued in. "Tish and Leo have been calling and texting me telling me that Tom was lying to me, and I not only denied it, but I got into an argument with them both about it," Martha replied, "So Now I feel stupid and I have to apologize to them both. What am I going to do Jack?" Martha looked at Jack and she saw that he was thinking. "Well I will take you back to the Tower of London UNIT base, and then wait for you so that after work I can help you get your things and get you set up in a Torchwood safe house just until you find your own apartment. How's that sound," Jack asked as they turned into the lower parking deck of UNIT. "You'd consider allowing me to live in a Torchwood house? What's the catch," Martha asked. "No catch. You are a friend Martha, so that allows me to help you when you need it," Jack replied. "You're a good person Jack Harkness," Martha said.


	6. Cheater

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey there. It’s your ever faithful authoress of all things ‘Doctor Who’ and ‘What if’. Here’s my next installment in my Introspection/Prompt Table challenge.   
> Story specs:   
> Character: Tom Milligan  
> Synopsis: Follows the story Lie. In the episode of Last of the Time Lords pt. 2 whovians are introduced to the character of Tom Milligan. He is kind, inquisitive, loyal, and fights for what he believes in, as is shown when he tries to save Martha from the Master. But What if all of those good things came about from the fact that 10% of the population was killed and he had to change in order to stay alive. What if Tom Milligan was a complete PIG in normal everyday life. So here’s the companion piece to Lie.  
> I hope you enjoy it! Read and Review!

Cheater

“Jack Could you leave us for a few minutes. There are a few things I’d like to say to Mr. Milligan,” Martha said to the deceptively calm Captain. He glared at me then he left the flat. I looked at Martha and wondered briefly just how we got here…

~!~ Six Months Ago ~!~

“ I have to go back to Africa again, Martha,” I sad as I walked to the kitchen.   
“Again,” Martha asked.  
“Yes. It seems as if Jacobs can’t go. Something to do with his parents,” I replied as I got a cup of coffee.   
“Well I hope it isn’t anything too serious,” Martha said.  
I looked at my Martha and I held back a grimace as I saw her dressed in the all black uniform of UNIT.  
Over the past month she’d been working for UNIT (Unified Nations Intelligence Taskforce) and was almost never home. I hated that she thought her job was more important than I was. I just wanted her to be here at the flat doing what a woman should do. I wanted her to be washing clothing, cooking, and taking care of children. I didn’t like the fact that she wanted to work.  
“I wouldn’t worry too much about Jacobs or his parents. So will you be home tonight for dinner,” I asked her.  
“Honestly I don’t know. You know how crazy it can get. But I will let you know,” Martha replied. I nodded and knew something might come up for her as it always did. I wondered why I bothered staying in the house alone for the next week when I could clearly spend my time at a hotel relaxing before a week in the heat of Africa. I had decided just then that I would tell her that I was leaving tomorrow.   
“Well I have patients today, and then I have to pack tonight,” I said. I watched as Martha finally looked at me.  
“What,” she said surprised.  
Externally I gave her a blank look, but internally I was grinning at her look of surprise.   
“But how can you leave just like that,” she asked as she snapped her fingers, “It usually takes you at least a week to get ready.”   
I just smiled and said, “Well most of the things I’d be normally taking care of are already done so all I have to do is pack and go tomorrow.”  
I could see the sadness in her eyes and I reveled in it. I absolutely loved seeing her in pain, because she’s caused nothing but pain in my life. I just turned my back on her and I waited. I knew she was going to say something else.  
“But Tom, why must you leave tomorrow,” she asked me. I grinned.  
Then I replied, “So you’d like me to postpone this trip in order to see me for a couple of more days. Thus delaying vital medicines and a proper doctor to these areas of need. I’m sorry you feel that way.” I listened to her gasp as I finished my ‘lecture.’  
“I’m sorry Tom. Go. Be the hero I know you are,” Martha said.   
I turned around to face her and I grinned at her. I kissed her forehead then I left for work.

~!~ 8 hours later ~!~

I sat in the flat and I’d gotten a call earlier in the day from Martha saying she’d be late. I knew that I couldn’t just sit and wait for her. So I made sure my bags got packed. Then I left the flat. 

~!~ Pub ~!~

I sat in my favorite pub drinking my beer and watching the Manchester United football match. I was slowly drinking in order to forget Martha and the issues I had with her.   
“Hey there,” I heard and then turned to see a busty blonde woman. Her hair was a light bottle blonde and she had brown eyes. She was scantily clad in a short black mini skirt and a barely there halter top shirt. Her outfit accentuated her tantalizing curves and made my entire body awaken and take notice.   
“Hello,” I replied.  
The woman sat next to me at the bar and she ordered a beer.  
“So is it a good match,” the woman asked while I was trying to stop staring at her ample bosom.   
“Better than some. Do you even like football,” I asked her.   
“Not really,” she replied.  
I smiled at just how honest she was with me. I liked how she was looking at me also. She seemed to have this look on her face that was saying she’d rather be doing something naughty with me rather than sitting in this pub.  
“So what would you like to do,” I asked her.  
She grinned at me and took a sip of her beer.  
Then she said, “How about we go for dinner and then see where the night takes us.”   
I was utterly enamored with this woman so I nodded and we left together.

~!~ Café ~!~

“So what can I call you,” I asked her.  
“I’m Ashley Anderson. What about you, handsome,” she asked.  
“Tom Milligan,” I replied.  
She smiled at me and then we ate and talked.  
“So Ashley, what made you talk to me,” I asked her.   
“Well I saw that you were alone and that you not only looked nice, but you actually looked lonely,” she replied.  
I nodded and asked, “So tell me about yourself Ashley Anderson. Who are you?”  
“Well I am a secretary in a paralegal office. I love to cook and watch movies,” she said.  
I smiled and then replied, “Well that is lovely. What is your favorite food?”  
“I love making chicken teriyaki. What about you? What do you like to do,” she asked me.  
I smiled and said, “Well I am a pediatric doctor and I work in Africa and other third world countries. I will actually be going to Africa in a week. My favorite food? Well I do like fish and chips.”   
“Wow that is amazing. You are a wonderful person,” she said.

~!~ 15 minutes later ~!~

“So what would you like to do now,” I asked Ashley.   
“Well I don’t really want to go home just yet,” Ashley replied.   
I nodded and then I went to pay for our meals. Then I checked on my mobile and I saw a text message from Martha:   
‘Problem at work. Won’t be home until after midnight. Don’t wait up.’  
I growled angrily and then I looked back at Ashley and I felt happy. So I went back to Ashley and we left together. 

~!~ The flat: 3 hours later ~!~

I sat on the couch satisfied. Ashley and I had just left after the lovely night she and I had shared. I was so excited to meet up with her tomorrow after I check into a hotel near Heathrow. I sat thinking about Ashley as Martha finally walked into the flat.   
“Honey, I told you not to wait up for me,” she said to me.   
As soon as I heard her voice my happy mood went out the door.   
“How was your day sweet heart,” she asked me.   
I knew I had to say something to her so I said, “I had a great day. My patients were so fun and they talked about everything from what they did over the weekend to what they were having for lunch today.”  
Then I thought about Ashley again. I thought about how her hair glistened in the sun, how her eyes sparkled in the rays of the sunset, we watched together.   
“That sounds like a fantastic day. My dad was more hectic. We had a dangerous chemical spill at work,” Martha said.   
“Well I’m going to bed. I have to leave by 7am,” I said cutting off Martha.   
She looked surprised and just ignored her as I wet upstairs. At this exact moment I really hated Martha.

~!~ Present ~!~

I looked at Martha and I realized just how terrible I was to her. I remembered all of the times I lied to her. I remembered just how many times I thought of Ashley when I spent any time with Martha.  
“Martha, I,” I started.   
“No. You don’t get the right to talk to me. You don’t even get the right to see me cry either. So tell me when did I become expendable,” she asked me.   
I wanted to tell her that she’d never been an object to discard, but I couldn’t lie to her anymore.  
“Almost as soon as we got engaged,” I replied.   
I looked at Martha and I could tell she wanted to yell at me, but I knew she wouldn’t. I knew that she wouldn’t allow me to see how she really felt.  
“Then why did you let us go on as long as we have,” she asked me.   
I glared at her for asking the only question that I didn’t and really couldn’t answer.  
I replied as harshly as I could, “Because I was thinking that if you had a hunch you’d change your mind on working and be the person that I needed. You’d do the things women are supposed to do!”  
“What! Wait on you hand and foot,” Martha demanded.  
Her tone of voice got my defenses up.   
“FOR A START,” I yelled at her.   
Then I felt a stinging pain bloom in my cheek.   
“I am done with you. We are over! I’ve gotten my things and I’ve called your mother and let her know the wedding is off. I’ll let you deal with her questions. You are NOT the man I thought you were. I left your ring in your bedside table drawer. If you should ever come near me again I will have you arrested. I hope you and your whore are happy together,” Martha said as she pushed past me.  
I grabbed her wrist and then I pulled her close and said, “You will not leave me!”  
She began to struggle.  
“You WILL be my wife,” I said darkly.  
“OW you are hurting me! Let me go,” Martha pleaded.  
“You’re mine,” I exclaimed.  
“No I’ll never be yours,” Martha said as she was still trying to wiggle out of my grasp.   
“I’ve got news for you Tom, you won’t be able to come anywhere near Martha once I’m through with you,” the Captain said.  
I was stunned at how he just seemed to show up without me hearing a thing. Then he took my hand that was gripping Martha’s wrist and he forcefully took it from her wrist. Then I watched as this man escorted Martha away from me.


	7. Outcast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something has gone amiss in Pete's world.
> 
>  
> 
> Hey there! It’s your faithful writer…So here’s the new fic.  
> Outcast: (n) a person who has been rejected by society or a social group  
> Oh and another word you might need to know….  
> Escapism: a mental desire to retreat from unpleasant realities through fantasy  
> Story specs:  
> Post Bad Wolf Bay part of Doomsday. AU. Something goes wrong in Pete’s world. Jackie, Pete, and Mickey begin to think Rose is nuts. Plus those three begin acting strangely. Rose is in trouble and there’s no Doctor to save her.  
> Enjoy! Read and Review!

Dear Diary,  
My shrink thinks that I’ll be able to remember what is real if I write in here daily. I think she’s the one that is mad and should be in here. Not me! She says I suffer from escapism. But I looked that up in the dictionary and I know it isn’t me. The definition of escapism is: a mental desire to retreat from unpleasant realities through fantasy. I don’t live in my fantasies. I know HE is real! I know HE’s out there being fantastic and brilliant. I know that if there was a way for Him to safely cross the void to get me He would, but He can’t. So I’ll remember Him in words…

~!~ Flashback ~!~

“Nice to meet you Rose. Now run for your life!”

~!~ End Flashback ~!~

I’ll start at the beginning but I’ll have to do that later. The nurse has come to get me for group.

R.T.

~!~

Dear Diary,  
I really hate this place. They have put me on drugs. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t like feeling as though my body is not my own. My mum no longer visits anymore and the only time I see her is when Vitex is in the news.  
But that’s neither here nor there. I promised to write down our story. So here it is…  
I was never the smartest girl in the council estate. I could hold my own at school but I was never one of those girls who could get perfect scores all of the time. Then at sixteen I dropped out of school for Jimmy Stones. My mum, the only person who raised me since my father died, was upset and kicked me out. I lived with Jimmy. He is what society would call, a bad influence. He was a musician who fancied himself to be the next Billy Idol. But he was more Kurt Cobain than Billy Idol and I was becoming his Courtney Love. For a while he had me taking pills while he was going for the cocaine. His drug habit was so bad that he would have me take money out of my bank account and give it to him so he could get his cocaine. At the age of seventeen he beat me up so bad that I had to be taken to the hospital. I wouldn’t tell anyone anything. I was taken to a battered woman’s shelter where I just stayed at off and on. There, I was constantly being talked to by a man in tweet and a bowtie. He kept saying that they were cool. We would talk about what happened to me and then he persuaded me to go home. So I went home. Mum was not happy I was home and broke, but she was happy that I’d gotten out unscathed. So I found a job at Henrick’s and I eventually started dating Mickey Smith.  
I’ll have to continue later. It’s time for art. The only class that everyone believes mad people can handle. I hate that class because they won’t allow me to do what I want. They want me to draw what they say. I would rather just sit outside.

R.T.

~!~

Dear Diary,  
I’m not sleeping much anymore I hid the pills that I am supposed to take before bed. I feel like I am drowning in here. My shrink says I’m not making any progress. She thinks that increasing my medication will help me but each time they increase the meds the longer it takes me to get lucid.

R.T.

~!~

So it feels like it has been a long time since I arrived in here. I’m starting to lose it. But I must try to focus enough to tell my story.  
At age nineteen I still worked at Henrick’s and I was being attacked by shop dummies. I know it sounds crazy, but that’s what happened until a tall man with a northern accent took my hand and told me to ‘Run’. He was brusque and rash and yet when I looked in his eyes I could see a broken man. He led me out of the building and then blew it up. The next morning he came by and then told me to go back home. I saw him later after he saved me from the evil Mickey. It was then when I found out he was an alien. When we got through with the evil plastic he asked me to go with him and at first I declined. But after he told me his ship, the TARDIS, travels in time I went with him. He was the Doctor, 900 years old, who was very lonely but wouldn’t do anything about it.  
I try to think about Him all of the time, but it is getting even more difficult to remember Him.

R.T.

~!~

Nights and days are bleeding together. I don’t know if I’m coming or going. My shrink seems to think that I am making progress. But I haven’t given up on my Doctor yet. I am hoping beyond any hope that He’ll find a way to rescue me.  
My Doctor would always find a way to rescue me. On our first trip together He brought me to see the Earth explode. At the time I didn’t know if he was trying to scare me off or what, but we got into trouble as I’d come to learn would be normal for us. He had to save me from being burned to a crisp by a bitchy trampoline.  
I know that somehow he will save me again. But I honestly wonder what has happened with everyone else.

R.T.

~!~

My hair is slowly going back to it’s dark brown color. My shrink seems to think that I should remain a brunette so that it will keep me focused on something that’s real. I don’t like her at all. She seems to think she knows everything. She thinks that I’m incapable of doing anything for myself. She also seems to think that my meds should be increased.  
She’s the main reason I feel so vulnerable. She’s giving me drugs that dampen my functions thus leaving me open to attack.  
The Doctor wouldn’t have even let me feel so vulnerable. Even when we were stuck in Cardiff 1869 with Charles Dickens, Gwyneth, and the Gelth. When we were trapped in the basement of the mortuary he held my hand as we stared down the possessed corpses. Then when we got out of there together I felt so strong.  
So I guess I’ll just try to keep thinking of the Doctor.

R.T.

~!~

My shrink says it’s summer and it’s beautiful outside. But of course she still won’t allow me to go outside.  
Oh and I found out today that my mum gave birth to a little boy they’ve named Anthony Peter Tyler. How did I learn about this? I saw it on the news while I was in the Rec room.  
I had known my mum was up the duff when I said goodbye to Him. But when she sent me here she was only four months along. Which means I’ve been here for five months. Oddly enough it feels like it’s been longer.  
When my shrink found out she had me come to her office almost immediately. She wanted me to focus on how happy I should feel. But honestly I didn’t know what to feel. I mean in some ways I’m happy for her. I’m glad she got what she always wanted, more children with Pete. But in other ways I feel like she’s replaced me. She found out that I was defective then shipped me off to be fixed, only to have another child. And in this respect I feel hurt. I’d never blame Tony for mum’s actions towards me. If I could be there with him I’d tell him the most amazing stories about a most impossible man. I would tell him about how the Doctor was so old but still acted like a child. Then I’d tell Tony about our adventures in the TARDIS.  
But I am stuck here and I can almost guarantee that I will Never see Tony ever.

R.T.

~!~

I actually dreamed last night for the first time in months. Usually I am so drugged up at lights out, that I ‘m nearly comatose. But for some reason I wasn’t last night. I remember dreaming about the aliens in 10 Downing Street. I remember running from the Slitheen with Harriet Jones and then finding my Doctor, and getting stuck in the cabinet room. Then this is where it becomes a dream rather than just a memory. When the Doctor said, ‘I could save the world but lose you.’, his face blinked from the big-eared face that I knew should go with that memory, to the non-ginger haired Doctor’s face. His eyes changed color as well and I could see the utter sadness in his eyes. Then the Doctor looked right at me and said, ‘I’ll find you. Some how. Wait for me my love.’  
When I woke up this morning I was angry and hopeful at the same time. Angry because I was dreaming and it was probably just my unconscious desires playing with me. Then again I was hopeful because I knew without a doubt that he would try to come for me.  
Now I must go. My shrink is here to talk to me.

R.T.

~!~

So my shrink thinks that increasing my meds again is going to help. My lucid moments are becoming few and far between. Sometimes I picture my shrink as a dalek. Except rather than going around saying ‘Exterminate’ she goes around saying ‘Medicate’  
([Click here](http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2oz68sxAQ1qcx8mco1_250.jpg)) See here she is all sterile and carrying the random syringe of mind numbing medication. My shrink may thing that she is wonderful but she is just doing me more harm.  
Thinking about the shrink dalek makes me remember the first time I met a dalek. My Doctor and I were in Utah in 2012 in a hidden bunker owned by Henry Van Statten. What a scary man. Then he showed us the Dalek and I was naive enough to touch it. Then it regenerated and began killing people. It almost killed me, but because of my human DNA it was changing into something else. Once that began I was told by the Doctor to order it to self-destruct. Daleks are right up there on my level of scary with the Cybermen.

R.T.

~!~

I feel lethargic anymore. My shrink seems to like seeing me in the docile demeanor. I can’t function anymore. I’m a living zombie.

R.T.

~!~

The lethargy is still with me. I guess another shrink saw my condition and they badgered my shrink and she backed off on the drugs. So now I can at least function on a somewhat human level. My nights, since I was given a reprieve of the drugs, have been full of dreams. The night before I dreamt of the first time the Doctor and I were on Satellite 5. Rather than hearing the Editor talking, the Doctor looked at me and he told me that I was the one for him and that he loved me.  
Then last night was the first night I’d dreamt of my father. This time it was him that spoke to me. He told me as he lay dying in the road that I should never give up on the Doctor. He also told me just how proud he was of me.  
I woke up crying this morning because of my dreams. My shrink began to ask me how I was sleeping but I didn’t bother answering her. So she told me that if I didn’t cooperate with her she’d order sedatives and restraints. I hated her. I wanted to drug her and put her in restraints.  
But I have to go; it is time for my exercise which is an escorted walk around the inside of the facility. Exciting, I know…..

R.T.

~!~

I’ve lost my bearings on how long I’ve been here. I’m on punishment. Why you ask? Because I was caught not taking my meds and then trying to go outside. So they’ve moved me to an empty isolation wing, and I only get five minutes in the common area a day. Then I’m escorted back to my room where I’m locked in. My shrink was upset with me. I couldn’t care less. I didn’t understand why I wasn’t allowed outside. But here I sit basically locked away.  
I feel so alone now….

R.T.

~!~

Now I know why they wanted me here in isolation. So they could begin to medicate me heavily. I try to fight them off, but as soon as the meds are given I become worse than possessed gas-mask zombies of Jamie’s creation. What I wouldn’t give to have the Doctor come and fix me like he fixed the nanogenes. I wished that His wonderful TARDIS would appear in here and take me away from this place. But slowly my hope is starting to die.

~!~

Still in isolation. Slowly being driven mad. Oh goody time for more meds and my descent into oblivion.

~!~

Lucidity is becoming an issue again. That woman is becoming panicked. Worried that I’m getting worse. I can’t handle another person’s touch anymore.  
Been a very Long time since the Doctor hugged me.

~!~

Okay it’s been a while since I’ve written in here. My last entry was rather scattered. My shrink finally decided to try electroshock therapy.  
It was more painful than Margret’s strangle hold on me. More painful than being transmatted twice. Even more painful than being Bad Wolf. And let me tell you that being given shock treatment knocked Bad Wolf loose from her tight bonds. Now she and I have become one.  
They do the shock treatments twice a week. I hate my shrink for thinking that electroshock therapy was a good idea.

B.W.

~!~

My shrink was frantic today. I didn’t understand why. She gave me shock treatment today even though it wasn’t the day. And then my hair was shaved off. I didn’t understand. Why would they do both shock treatment and shave my hair off. They couldn’t be worried about lice. I’m allowed to have supervised showers, so I don’t understand the reasoning. There’s no one else in this wing besides the orderlies and my shrink.  
My shrink decided to call me to her office in this wing, even thought I would normally have been locked in my room. She began to tell me that there was an inspection of the facility happening and that I was going to take all of my medication. I tried to put up a fight but having tweetle dee and tweetle dum holding me down put a stop to any fight I could start. I was upset that I was going to be drugged in the middle of the day. But I really had no say in my own well being.  
She gave me my pills then had the two morons drag me back to my room. I don’t remember anything else after that. When I did finally awaken from my drug induced haze, I felt like I hadn’t actually slept at all. I felt like a lorry had run me over. I could hear yelling in the hallway and I felt like the Doctor probably felt like when he was woken up from the regeneration the second time.

B.W.

~!~

I haven’t seen my shrink in a few days. The only people I’ve seen are the two gits that stand guard right outside my door. I am never allowed out anymore. I feel like I’m trapped, like I was trapped when Cassandra tried to possess me. I hated that feeling then and I hate it now. If I wasn’t adverse to human contact before I am now. I haven’t actually seen anyone else other than my shrink who knows that I will attack first if she comes near me, and the double mint twins, who are just too dumb to know not to touch a mad person.  
I have wondered where the crazy shrink is, but I am glad I’m not being drugged into a coma while she’s been away. 

B.W.

~!~

Is it wrong of me to be awake tonight, the night of the full moon? ‘There’s something of the wolf about you.’ But now that Bad Wolf and I are one I remember everything that happened on Satellite 5. So here I sit, wide awake.

B.W.

~!~

Oh joy, my meds have been brought back and my own personal Hell has returned to me. I’ve still only seen the morons. I haven’t seen hide nor hair of the shrink.  
This must have been what Sarah-Jane felt like after she was left behind by Him. That feeling of utter disappointment when the one person you have come to count on for human contact is suddenly not returning. That when you wake up in the morning thinking you are somewhere else only to see that it was just a fleeting dream. I have come to see the shrink as the last vestiges of human contact that I ever have. Even though she basically tortured me and has drugged me I do count on her to be there as the only person who cares. And I haven’t seen the shrink in days, going on weeks. I would just like someone to acknowledge my existence. To know that I am here, that I am living and breathing would make me feel a little better. 

B.W.

~!~

My being lucid is becoming a problem again. Someone seems to be increasing the dosage of my meds. I don’t know why but most days I sit in my room feeling like a zombie just waiting for the kill. Which reminds me that I am hungry, and that my meal will be given to me rather soon.  
Anyways, it’s been a long time since I last saw the shrink. It’s odd though I don’t even know if she is ever going to come back. Maybe that’s the point. Maybe I’m so broken that no one, not even her, wants to be around me.  
And another thing. Its odd that I am still writing in this diary/journal. I mean I’m the only one who actually sees it. My shrink has never and will probably never read it. I’m actually quite surprised that she even allows me to have my pencil.  
But that is completely beside the point. I’ve been feeling like I’m being watched and not like in the ‘oh-someone’s-just-looking-at-me’ sort of way. I sort of feel that creepy feeling I got when we were on the 51st century spaceship and that eye/camera came out of the wall and looked right at me.  
And add to that, I think I’ve seen someone at my door that wasn’t my normal two gits. I could be wrong. I am being heavily medicated now so it is completely possible that I was hallucinating. He would know what is going on.

B.W.

~!~

So it’s been a year since London was taken over by John Lumic and his Cybermen. How do I know this? Jedward aka the morons, were talking about Jackie Tyler’s birthday party.  
My heart ached briefly at the fact that I’m not there to celebrate it with her as I’ve done since I could remember. But then I remembered that she didn’t wan me anymore since she left me here.  
Then I realized, just a year ago I was with Him. We were traveling, helping others, running and enjoying it all. And then we came here. To fight against the cybermen, though that wasn’t what we were intending on doing. But regardless we were able to fix everything.  
But it all started a year ago and maybe that’s why I’m in here now. Maybe that’s why I feel faceless and like I don’t know who I am anymore. It’s not helping that the drugs are clouding everything. Maybe because mum and Mickey had a place to fill it changed them.  
But who knows….

B.W.

~!~

I’ve seen the strange person again. I could only see the shape of the person but he or she seemed to be doing something other than just looking at me. My memory is rather fuzzy because of the drugs, but I think that he or she might have been holding something in his or her hands. I don’t know why this worries me but I don’t want to have someone looking at me anymore. I don’t know what he or she wants but when I am drugged, as I usually am, I don’t really care.  
The fact that I’m being watched by someone sort of creeped me out just like the ood creeped me out on the impossible planet. They really didn’t blink and just looked at you until you either addressed them or they addressed you. It wasn’t until they started to threaten us that I really didn’t like them. I didn’t like being watched by unknown beings then and I don’t like it now.

B.W.

~!~

I had a bad day today. I kept thinking about Him. I could almost see him in my mind’s eye. See the way his hair stuck up in an organized chaos. See how his suit hugged his lean body, see how his eyes twinkled when saying something really clever.  
I kept reliving our adventures. All of the fun times with Him. Then I began reliving the really fun times with Him and Jack. The times that Jack flirted with the wrong man, woman or thing and inevitably ended us in prison or running for our lives laughing. Then finally I began to remember all of the monsters and the times that I felt so worried and scared. I remembered everything. It was like watching a movie or a TV show about our adventures.  
I believe I understand now just how Elton felt when he thought he’d lost Ursula forever. I am now feeling that same heartbroken, lonely feeling. I feel like I can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t breathe without being with Him. I feel like my faith is really starting to fail. I’ve been in this hell for so long. He told me that if we even poke at the dimension walls they would shatter and collapse. Thus destroying this universe and that one as well. So even though I love Him, I now know that He won’t be coming for me. It’s like He told me once before. “I could save the world and lose you.” He saved the world and did eventually lose me. I am no finally feeling that lost feeling.  
I also have been experiencing the loneliness that I assume the Isolus felt while trapped on earth. The feeling of knowing you have someone out there looking for you, but you can’t get to them. You can’t even contact them to tell them you need them. I feel like I never see anyone anymore.  
But I’ll try to write more when I sober up. The morons are here with my meds. I hate this part….

B.W.

~!~

My name is Rose Tyler and these are the last coherent thoughts of a time traveler.  
My days and nights are blurring much worse than before. I don’t get out of my bed any longer. I don’t have the energy to do anything else other than lay in it. The double mint twins have been feeding me more and more pills, and I am starting to feel like I did when I was with Jimmy. I feel strung out. Like the world is moving in fast forward and I am in slow-mo. I just try and not move because the constant motion makes me feel nauseous. I am being given pills and injections all the time now. I think if I was half sober I would probably see someone in the mirror who looked like a junkie. Then to stave off bed sores I am being given sponge baths by the morons. I can’t even muster up the humiliation that I should be feeling when they come in with a tub of warm water, sponge, and towels. I should feel angry when they have to undress me so that they can get to scouring my body with their rough sponges. I should be yelling profanities at them because of their harsh scrubbing of my skin, but because of all of the drugs building up in my system I usually am way too docile to do anything.  
But also because of the drugs I am also beginning to hallucinate. I’m starting to imagine Him standing in my cell. He is standing there and doing nothing to help me from my pain and suffering. He just has this sad look on his face. I am beginning to be upset with him. I am so tired and yet I can’t sleep. I used to love sleeping. But when I sleep I relive all of my adventures with Him. I don’t get any reprieve. I am starting to not be able to look at Him. I hurt so much when I see Him running free, while I know that I am not free at all.  
My life has gone downhill since coming here. So here’s my last thought before I am drugged so much that I’m forced into a coma….  
Peter Tyler: You once told me that I wasn’t your daughter. So I’m telling you that I’m truly never going to be yours. My father, who died to save the Doctor and I, would have never put me in here. He would have believed me. He would have loved me. He would have trusted in me. I will Never forgive and forget you.  
Jackie Tyler: I can’t call you ‘mum’ anymore. You lost that right when you left me here. When you abandoned 21 years of love and affection because you thought I was mad. You replaced me with a son. And you didn’t bother seeing me. I don’t know what I did to make you not love me anymore. I don’t know what to say to you either. You used to tell me that it would always be you and me. That’s how we started and that’s how we should have ended. Finally, Shame on you! You loved Him just as much as I did. You didn’t at first, but in the end you became his mother too. When you rejected me you rejected him too. I hope you are happy with that thought for the rest of your life.  
Mickey Smith: I don’t care if you say your name is Ricky. It isn’t! You were my best mate. You used to want to be there for me. You used to be able to talk to me. But now I am the furthest from your thoughts. You are the one person I thought I could trust to fight mum about sending me to this hellhole. But you didn’t even put up a fight. You didn’t say anything. You just turned your back. I hope you can get through with the death of your gran by yourself. Because that’s what will inevitably happen and you won’t have me there like you did the last time. I hate you Mickey Smith and I hope that you live every day for the rest of your life with that thought.  
Tony Tyler: I am sorry you’ll never get to meet me. I don’t blame you for being born. I hope that you grow up to be just fantastic. Make sure that you go on adventures. Make mistakes. Get messy. Love your mother and father. Find yourself a girl. And then be the man I hope you will be. Doesn’t matter what adventures you have just make sure you have them. I love you little brother.  
Doctor: If you should ever read this journal, I am sorry. I gave up on you, just like I did with the Sycorax. I hope that you know that even though my faith in you waivered, my love for you did not. So here’s what I believe happened. After Bad Wolf Bay; mum, Mickey, and Pete began to act strange. They began to fill in the holes that were left by the Cybermen. All three of them forgot you and could remember Bad Wolf Bay. But I could remember you. Then I was put in here. Now here’s why I think I remember you: My counterpart here in this universe was a yappy little dog and with my being human I didn’t fit into the hole left by the dog. Don’t worry about me. I am blissfully unaware now. So here are my last thoughts and they are just for you…  
I Love You. Forever and Always. Where ever the sun rises I will love you when you see the moon shine I will love you. When the stars sparkle in the night sky I will always love you. My love for you will be forever and a day. Please don’t try to seek revenge. I went through hell, and now I’m locked in oblivion. I don’t want any revenge. All I’ve ever wanted was freedom. So I am going to give that to you. If you do find this journal and have read it, go back to the TARDIS and fly away. All I ask is that you take a day to feel sad about me and then move on. Find someone else to share the universe with. Find someone who can be your equal in all things. I don’t ever want you to feel like you’re alone. You will never be alone. Because you know who will be with you, Jack. And all of those brilliant companions and friends you will make in the future. Know that I will always be in your hearts. In the eternal words of Mr. Spock: ‘Live long and prosper.’ Good bye.  
R.T. aka B.W.


End file.
